Ozan's guide to an anxious mind
I am alone at home, doing nothing in particular, perhaps watching some YouTube videos or reading an article. At some point, I think about the chores I need to do, overlap with the subjects I want to check out and dive a bit into (how does a water boiler work anyway?; I want to write my own NFT contract to see how they work; Should I write that Chrome extension for fun?), along with other small projects I've been thinking about starting out but need a bit of digging before. On top of that, I might think I need to work out because it's been a while, and maybe think about my current life situation.
Then it starts. Slowly, a feeling of unease takes over my body. A knot finds its way into my throat, a slight shaking movement of my hands. First I try to do anything from my TO-DO list but I struggle to concentrate on anything. Even sending an email seems too much of an effort, it's pointless.
I get up and start moving around the house finding anything to do, moving from one room to another. Should I sweep the living room a bit? Should I clean the dishes? should I take a walk? I suddenly feel completely overwhelmed and freeze, hyperventilating, stuck, depressed, unable to move, and end up lying on the couch and binge-watching some bad film or TV show, nothing too complex either, easily digestible.
This situation repeats itself periodically, sometimes with little time in between outbursts. It leaves me exhausted, and sad and it takes me a while to recompose and get my mood back. However, over the years I've managed to develop a set of strategies and small tricks that although they definitely don't address the main reason for the panic bouts, help me cope. Some are tongue-in-cheek, and some are specifically tailored to my personality, but a common trend is that all involve some sort of detachment from my own mind. No thinking, no concentrating, get out of your mind.
Go for a walk. Leave the house. Doesn't matter if it's cold, or raining, just get out of the house and pump some fresh air into your lungs. If there's a park nearby or you live by the ocean, go enjoy that.
Clean the dishes. If you have a dishwasher, then you're (not) lucky. The point is to perform a repetitive task that forces you to pay attention to the movement and the bunch of definite steps involved in it, transporting you into a thoughtless state. It's almost like meditating, you repeat the same task over and over and get lost in the act of it. Any similar house chore involving a similar constant movement works: sweeping, vacuuming, and the like.
Do some sport. It can be as light as your state allows you to. You might feel too tired and exhausted to work out, even if you're a fit person and you don't recognize yourself (believe me I understand) anymore. I won't say push through that feeling and cram in a 2-hour CrossFit session, but doing some physical activity will make you release endorphins and you'll feel amazing after the fact. Anyone has their own preferences, here's my go-to list of sporty activities I like to do whenever I feel this anxiety crawling up on me:
- Go throw some hoops in a basketball court nearby. Nothing fancy, just running around a bit and practicing focus and accuracy.
- Go for a walk or a run. Be outside, get some fresh air and sunlight.
- Go for a bike ride.
- Walk to a park with bars nearby and do some pullups & pushups. I try not to frame it in my mind as a workout or I'll get stressed about form, performance, and doing a whole routine. I'll do some 6 pullups/10 pushups x 3 sets, then if I feel like it I'll throw another 6 chinups/10 dips set. Before I know it I did 6 exercises x 3 sets each so that counts as a very nice workout π.
Indulge in some small guilty pleasure you won't do normally. By this, I don't mean any sort of self-destructive habits, but if you never allow yourself to buy a bag of Cheetos, or some chocolate chip cookies, this is the moment to do so. Do it and don't feel bad afterward, enjoy these small 'unhealthy' things.
Reach out to a friend that's been a long time you don't talk to: Although you most likely won't receive an immediate response, just the fact of reaching out and letting anyone know I am thinking about them, makes me feel better. We get way too often caught up in our routine and forget about the people we used to have fun with.
Cook something that takes time. Forget about doing an omelet or frying some chicken. Pick up a recipe in Delish, TikTok, or wherever that takes some time and elaboration. Take a walk to the supermarket to buy the ingredients and start preparing them at home. Bonus points for recipes where you need to bake stuff in the oven while making other preparations on the side, so you'll have to check in on the oven while slicing veggies for example. Again it'll take your mind away from the anxiety for a bit.
Do a crosswordπ€. This is a personal favorite. I used to do a lot of crosswords when I was a kid with my dad and my grandpa, normally the one in the newspaper, and I loved it. I would just focus on the task of remembering all the synonyms I knew for a given description so it'd fit in the blank spaces. It would oftentimes involve digging up some information I didn't know I had on the back of my head about a subject that contained the desired word.
Play some video games. Pick something light, easy, and straight to the point. By that, I mean avoid games with long load times, cutscenes, puzzles, and such. First-person shooters, platformers and beat'em-up games are my choices. Your personal investment at the moment is lower and they'll make you focus on one task. Again, some form of meditating.
Call someone in your family. Or, if anything, call someone you care about and you know they care about you. The soothing effect of a 10-minute chat with my mom talking about nothing can't compare to anything π.
Final words
Finally, I want to highlight, there's no substitute for therapy. Looking for help and allowing to be helped in the hands of professionals is the way to go. All the aforementioned tips are not the silver bullet, and they might just be ineffective altogether or serve as patches for an underlying issue. Getting help will always be the first thing to do. From there, you can work your way forward.